Rest in Peace

April 21, 1948 – December 12, 2008

Relatives and friends may call at Borgwardt Funeral Home, 4400 Powder Mill Rd., Beltsville, MD, Thursday and Friday 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m.

A memorial service has been planned for Saturday, February 7, 2009. It will be held in Riverdale Presbyterian Church, 6513 Queens Chapel Road, University Park, MD, 20782 at 2:00 PM.

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Marita slept peacefully through the night with a break at two. She had pain meds today only at ten and one, yet she continued to rest comfortably through the day and evening. However she also has become less responsive to our attempts at engagement. Her heart continues strong but her body is signalling that the end is near.

Dan came over late last night when it appeared that things might be changing. He was set to be here all day today. It is good to have him here overnight.

Jim once again came in from Warrenton to help out all day. There wasn't much to do as Marita barely budged even during Sherry's examining. Sherry provided more guidance on what to expect as conditions progress.

Chaya came after Sherry left and sat with us until dinnertime.

Vanessa and the children were here for dinner and stayed until Russ arrived from NJ.

Russ brought some food and drink for tomorrow but we started on part of it before going to bed.

Once again Marita slept through almost the entire night. She needed a break around midnight but went until after 10am before waking.

Elaine came to provide another caring hand for most of the day.

Of course Delores was here as scheduled so they were able to cover Marita while I dealt with work matters.

Ellen and Charlie brought dinner for Adrian and me.

Marita was in bed by eight. She had slept through most of the day again.

Marita slept through the entire night after a little blip before midnight.

Dan was here all day. For the most part Marita was resting while we rolled our eyes about the scandal in Illinois. Once she woke from her nap we were able to get her out of her night clothes and ready for the rest of the day. She has lost quite a bit of weight, especially since she has been eating so little.

Glenda was here for another Tuesday massage session. Marita still seems to enjoy these.

Jesse was here at the end of the day. Adrian arrived after work. The four of us shared our thoughts about Marita and the days ahead.

Vanessa and the children came for dinner.

Today was off to a rough start after both of us slept on and off overnight.

Adrian was here all day helping out on his day off.

Thelma and Louise checked in around lunchtime.

Sherry made the usual Monday nursing review. She ordered a change in the meds to get around Marita's difficulty swallowing. Marita's circulation appears to be less and her BP and pulse are showing signs that her heart is working harder.

Red Strikers Diane and Sarah came mid-afternoon to see what we needed. Marita was again sleeping through the day after Sherry left.

Marita was in bed around nine.

Dan stayed overnight again. He was there when I needed him during the wee hours. We avoided using the extended release pain medication today. Marita was fine with that change but again she did not eat or drink much.

Julie and Darrell came to visit at three. We sat together at the table but Marita did not engage. She seems to want to be in the mix when she is awake.

Prudy and Gerry came over with Linda and Jack and visited for the rest of the afternoon.

Rima picked up some items on our grocery list and dropped them off.

Marita was in bed around eight.

Dan stayed overnight along with the boys. He wanted to be available in case Marita or yours truly had a difficult night. He also wanted to let me have a chance to play my first soccer game since June with my over-55 team.

Chase, of course, had to have his usual camping experience when staying over. This time we set up the tent in our bedroom. Drew was not impressed. He stayed close to Daddy.

Jim came in very early to join Dan in caring for Marita while I was out recreating. Upon my return we had time to relax together watching football and Marita sleep.

Marita's night was better than usual. She slept long and soundly with only one middle of the night interruption. Still she didn't eat much for breakfast. Then she had herself planted on the couch and nodded off most of the day. For the second day in a row she chewed on her extended release medication tablet. We will need another strategy if this continues.

Vanessa came with Claudia later in the afternoon so the whole gang had dinner together.

This morning both of us stayed in bed until 9:30. Marita wanted out of bed at 3am so it seemed best to start banking some more rest.

All in all this was a good day for Marita. She had cream of wheat and then some potato soup for breakfast. She drank water and juice. She had chocolate ice cream and lemon sherbet. She did well with most of the meds.

Kathy was here for her usual Friday visit. Marita kept both of us busy through the day much like happened Wednesday with Delores. One little thing after another adds up.

Diane came to be with us after Kathy left at four. She sat with Marita and cared for her until Adrian came home after work.

Marita went to bed at eight.

Dan added Thursday to his caregiving commitment today. He and I conferred with Jesse about planning final arrangements.

Jim came in from VA to be with us all day. Marita napped on and off today. Jim worked on pulling pictures of Marita from our pile of 80's vintage slides.

Sherry made her usual Thursday check on Marita. There appear to be signs now that Marita is slowing down.

Chaya made a hospice visit at 3:30. Dan met with her while Jim and I went to the mall for a beer and a bite to eat.

Kathy stopped by to say a quick hello.

Marita went to bed during the afternoon and didn't wake until 3am.

Marita suddenly changed her recent routine today. After a little pop of itchiness to get up at dawn she was pretty much up most of the day. When she woke she complained about not going anywhere or eating anything for four days. We couldn't go to far but we at least had a day in which she had food, drink and a pretty much normal set of meds. It wasn't until after six that all the activity caught up with Marita so that she had to go to bed.

Delores was here per usual on Wednesday. She and I work together and separately on all the combinations of movement that Marita's care required. May God bless you, delores.

Charlie and I were in touch during the day over work. We decided to continue our discussion here after hours. While Charlie prepared stuffing for his holiday party we knocked down a few shots of Balvenie.

Deniz caught up with us before we were done so she joined us for a small one. After Charlie left Deniz sat with Marita as she lay in bed.

Dan and Tom were here early today to help us get started. We had coffee while Marita rested a little longer.

Vanessa came a bit later in the morning. She cared for Marita while Dan and I went to the University of Maryland Hearing and Speech clinic to return the assistive devices before their trial period expired. It was a very emotional visit as we shared with Paula the highs and lows of our effort to keep Marita hearing.

Mercy dropped in for a brief hello.

Glenda was here for Marita's weekly massage. As always Marita enjoyed this hour of calm and comfort. After the massage Marita napped for a few more hours.

Meanwhile Dan and I sifted through many years of slides to identify and photocopy memories of our dear sweetheart and mother.

Tony and Dail had breakfast with us and then headed home to NJ. Before leaving Tony braved the morning chill to give our gutters a final (hopefully) cleaning.

Adrian had breakfast with us and spent his day off helping care for Marita.

Thelma, Louise and Tami came for a lunchtime visit, quickly polishing off our backlog of unfolded laundry.

Dennis stopped in to share a mid-afternoon home brew that Tony left behind. Then he got himself up to speed on recent Star Trek reruns with Adrian while I did some telecommuting downstairs.

Marita continued her pattern of napping almost the whole day and eating very little.

Tony and Dail were here for us today. We allowed Marita to sleep late undisturbed. Dan arrived after noon to spend the afternoon.

Tony prepared a hearty bean and sausage soup which we consumed while watching the Giants beat the Redskins. Marita took in a cup of butternut squash soup, some milk, some juice. She continued to nap most of the time.

Tony, Dail and I played video poker until 11.

Marita was in bed before 6 and slept comfortably until 4. We were in and out of sleep until 8.

Dan and Chase spent the night with us. Dan was here in case we had another difficult night. As it turned out it was a bit of the usual but it wasn't easy getting there.

Gerry and Linda returned after breakfast. The daylight hours were spent sitting together and giving Marita comfort and assistance as needed.

Tony and Dail came down late tonight to be with us Sunday.

Marita stayed in bed late today. She spent a little part of the afternoon with us and then returned to bed.

Dan stayed overnight to be available. Vanessa and the children came after breakfast.

Gerry and Linda arrived from NJ around 3pm. Linda organized our Thanksgiving leftovers for dinner.



Gerry, Chase, Linda, Dan and I relaxed over a little video poker.

Happy Thanksgiving
We grilled the turkey at our place for the third year.

Charlotte prepared our 2008 timeline based on those we had for 2006 and 2007. Dan took charge of the grill, prepping and grilling the turkey.
Adrian and I peeled, boiled and mashed 10 pounds of potatoes.
We had contributions from Dan and Prudy for sweet potatoes, turnips and pie.
Vanessa did everything else.

Deniz joined us for the meal. Marita slept through dinner.

Delores was here as usual on Wednesdays. She was able to feed Marita most of her breakfast cereal, but Marita wouldn't take anything more. Marita spent most of the day napping.

Lina and Lynne visited later in the afternoon. Adrian joined us after coming home from work.

Marita went to bed early again but didn't rest very well once I came to bed at 11. We were up several times until she finally settled between 2 and 3.

Dan and Rob were both here early today but I chose to take snooze time over exercise. Dan did the honors serving Marita breakfast but sad to say she wasn't as eager to eat as yesterday. She even resisted soup offerings.





The refrigerator is ready for Thanksgiving. Please no food for a few days, friends.









Glenda was here for Marita's Tuesday massage.

Shelley stopped in while in town to pick her son up at Maryland.

John came to make sure that Marita's teeth didn't require more serious attention at his office.

Vanessa and the kids were here for dinnertime. Marita stepped it up a bit by eating several soup variations but her appetite is still spare.

Rob returned to be with us for another day. He came early again so I was able to work out before getting Marita ready. Rob picked up the egg and sausage sandwich Marita seems to like. Happily she again finished it all. We had Marita bathed, dressed and fed in time for an 11am massage.

Robin came again to provide massage for Marita. She is provided by hospice and is available twice each month.

Jesse arrived before Robin was finished so he sat with Adrian, Rob and me over coffee. We discussed Thanksgiving plans and Marita's recent behavioral changes. Marita was too zonked out after the massage to handle much pastoral care.


Sherry checked in with us around one. We decided to give Marita's throat a break by stopping a few of the pills for a while. She is sleeping well and hasn't had any stomach discomfort so we will see if she can do without those meds. Since her days have been so short recently we are also reducing her 3pd day pills to 2pd.



Adrian took a break from his caregiving to go shopping for our Thanksgiving turkey.

Karen made a quick visit to drop off another dinner from the Red Strikers.

Maggie joined us for part of the afternoon. She arranged for our dentist to come by tomorrow after Marita's Tuesday massage so we wouldn't have to bring her in the the office unless there is something worrisome.

Rita popped in to say hello and spend a few minutes with us. Meanwhile Rob slipped out and promised to return Tuesday.

Clark came out after work bringing his potato-leek soup that Marita loves so much she has two bowls. We relaxed over a beer or two as we waited for Marita to end her nap.

Eileen came a little later to round out the group. She brought a Moroccan lamb stew because she had heard me raving about Rima's dish and wanted to give it a try. We get to see how much they differ on the theme.

John L arrived as we were sipping through the soup. He brought more dinner. We gave part of it an immediate taste because it was the kind of soft food Marita now prefers.

It is becoming clear that Marita is not able to keep herself going all day and that her days have become shorter. She has begun to insist on an early bedtime even when she rises late and has a nap during the day.

It also helps to have many hands available to provide care. Marita is doing less for herself. Activities of daily living happen sequentially rather than in parallel.

Maureen came to help us through breakfast today. Marita was not pleased with what I had prepared, but fortunately, Maureen brought some chicken vegetable soup so we were able to make the adjustment quickly. Still it was necessary to puree the soup so she could swallow the larger pieces.

Adrian was off work. He stayed around to keep us company and be ready to assist Marita.

Robert joined us in mid-afternoon. We enjoyed the Belgian abbey ale he brought as we sat with Marita through more soups and an early bedtime.

Dan came shortly after Robert. After getting Marita to bed we sifted through old slides and 70's memories.

Jimmy stopped by to say hello and bring us a pumpkin pie for Thansgiving.